Confronted with Parenthood

I think it was Marion Parker who said "You have now entered in where time flies by so fast." Ain't it the truth. Watching Maia change and develop in her first year is amazing and I am shocked at how fast its all gone, and will continue to do so. However, I am learning to love and appreciate where she is at right now (I'll admit it is hard sometimes when she is screaming and I wish she could just talk and tell me whats up). The crawling is starting to lessen and soon the jibber jabber that we love will be real words and she can't go back to jibber jabber (well, maybe she could). However, it has been great to watch her take those first few steps to where she is now taking 10-20 steps with her hands straight out. She is constantly imitating sounds and is starting to label ball, bear, and bye (all sounding exactly the same, but you know what she is refering to when she says it). She loves Peek-a-boo and will play with the towel all by herself for a while jibber jabbering as she puts the towel on her head and off of her head. All to say I am amazed!!!

As much as she is learning I am learning as well. Wow, I am not a patient person! I thought marriage would push that (and it has), but parenthood I feel has pushed it all the more. I feel that I am confronted all the time with my impatience and have to stop and ask the Lord for help! I feel like it has become more so since Maia has turned one. She has more demands and is also going through many transitions, so it is inevitable for her to be extra needy at times. But sometimes I don't want to be needed, and that is where I run out of patience and have to realize this is where she is at and this is where I am at, and who is the adult here. I thought about this today how much I have to be willing to change and grow as a parent and need to realize my incapabilities in order to begin a change. Wow does that sound like AA or what. Our church is doing a series on the 7 Deadly Sins, and this week the pastor was emphasizing how much we need to realize the rotteness and awfulness of our sin to realize how amazing God's grace is. I have been thinking about that a lot, and I have been thinking about my life and the things I need to be confronted with to realize just how awful they are. This is a necessary step before remembering that God has paid it all, and it is His grace and love that drives me to change! His grace is what gives me patience when I am completly empty. He sees where I am at and helps me through it. Thank you Father!!!! I am amazed at what parenthood is doing to me. I feel humbled; I had an Idea that it was supposed to go a certain way, and then everything goes the opposite. Today I felt humbled when I had worked hard on sweeping and mopping my kitchen and bathroom floor and Maia pees on the bathroom floor and I step on a piece of banana and spill a container of baking soda on the kitchen floor. No big deal, but I felt defeated. It took me a while to get over it and shrug my shoulders and remember there are more important things in life, and clean floors don't need to take priority. My main prayer is to be someone who continues to grow and change, to alow my self to be confronted with my selfishness and awfulness, and to be constantly driven towards the grace and love that brings about change. So I say YAY for parenthood!!!! Yay for times when you are at the end of your rope! Yay for a Father in Heaven who comes to be a helper and gives me strength in my weaknesses!